5 Ways Favre's Retirement Could Be Worse
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- Created on Wednesday, 04 August 2010 12:10
- Written by Skip
Honestly, no one’s going to know for sure until the day Brett’s pushing up daisies… and it’s hard to be convinced when we’re hearing things like “Teammates got a text saying ‘This is it.’” I mean, are we really going to trust a bunch of guys who’d struggle to spell ‘pass interference’ to analyze the NFL’s most indecisive player ever?
That said, the ‘news’ has already created a whole new wave of Favre-mania… which leads me to this week’s Top 5 – I’m short on time this week, so 5 it is.TOP 5 WAYS BRETT-GATE 2010 COULD BE EVEN WORSE THAN THE LAST… 2? 3?
5. Brett waffles around for a few weeks and then shows up to play in the season opener
-Short and simple, the first thing that could train wreck this whole affair is Brett sticking to form. Another round of waffling up until the last week or two of training camp just means we have to sit through EVEN MORE ESPN updates on Brett Favre and what he’s up to. I have a hard enough time watching ESPN during the summer as is (never want to risk getting sucker punched by LPGA highlights). If he lets the speculation train fly off the track again, even I’ll be tempted to turn on him… again.
4. Deanna Favre gets involved… again
-You’ll notice a lot of “agains’” in this Top 10… but with Brett, the record rarely changes. If the news networks ran stock “Favre is retiring” footage tomorrow it’d take people at least until their third cup of coffee to figure it out. The guy’s that predictable. But one of the things that always killed me the last time was Deanna Favre and her bullshit comments to the media. Athlete’s wives and athlete’s kids have absolutely no bearing on sports news – and they should be kept far, far away from the press. All they do is get up there and spout absolutely pointless jargon and act like they know square one about sports. While I’ve changed my opinion on Brett, Deanna can take a hike. No football player’s wife should have a Wikipedia page this big. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deanna_Favre)
3. Brett really does retire, but accepts a high school or college coaching job
-We’d STILL have Brett watch – just from a different angle. Plus, along as he’s still associated with football, he’s going to have that Michael Jordan itch and think about coming back each and every fall… thus creating a legitimate never-ending loop of Brett Favre football news.
2. Brett refuses to announce his decision until after partnering with LRMR Marketing
-Now that Lebron has taken over the role of sports Anti-Christ (surprised there haven’t been more analogies about that, considering how he has Chosen 1 tattooed on himself), LRMR needs another controversial client to focus on for awhile. Brett’s the perfect client. They can set him up with a TV special, completely erase his family from the picture (do most basketball fans even know Lebron has a longtime GF/babymaker and two kids?), creating a media firestorm that has Brett signing with at least 6 different NFL teams and ultimately leave him even more hated than he already is. And get paid for it. These guys are good. Amazing what you can do with almost half of a high school education.
1. Brett doesn’t retire, eventually gets cut by Minnesota and signs with your team
-This is the do all, end all, judgment day level scenario. While increasingly unlikely, there’s always the chance Brett could somehow wind up with his fifth franchise. Can you imagine the speculation? Brett’s going to Cleveland to save the city… Favre to Buffalo because no one else will have him… Brett’s taking his talents to South Beach… Brett signing on with St. Louis to mentor Bradford (Rams-fever ignites Chris Carmona’s second St. Louis Super Bowl prediction since 2007). Worse, imagine if it was your team – you’d have to learn to put up with Brett-Mania, and then you’d have to root for the guy that you’ve spent almost your entire sports life rooting against, even though you knew he’d screw you in the end. So basically you’d be a Redskins fan. And no one wants that.
Until next week, folks.
